Happy Friday!

Today's email is a little long. I'll be sharing:

1. The moment from London that inspired this email (and my disappearance from content creation)
2. What hustle culture ignores
3. How I'm unfollowing cultures that no longer serve me
4. The future of Tea for Thought (this newsletter)

Like most big cities around the world, London is full of ambitious, hard-working people.

I've been fortunate to chat with a few of them. When I mention how they're always so "busy"—pulling 10, 16-hour workdays and making themselves always available to their clients and bosses—I get interesting responses.

The one reply that will haunt me forever?

"Yeah, my daughter tells me that 'Mommy, you're always on a call'."

At that moment, I realized that if my kid ever said that to me, I would adjust the way I work so that I can spend more time being present around them... or quit my job the next day if I could.

What Hustle Culture Ignores

When I started high school in 2017, I wanted to graduate as a valedictorian and a Gold medallist in web development.

I saw "hustling" as my only way out because it's what was viral on social media at that time. So, as a naïve 17-year-old, I added 6 - 8 hours of web development training per day on top of classes, assignments, and extracurriculars—at the expense of exercise, a good diet, and sleep (sometimes).

At graduation, I managed to reach most of my goals. I saw these achievements as a green light to continue hustling...

...Until I started Minerva University, when I had to take care of myself and still do well in school—but do it all with a limited budget and mostly on my own.

I quickly realized that hustle culture ignores the emotional side of being human—for example, overcoming trauma, fear, and attachment issues, as well as connecting with other sentient beings.

When you believe that hustling is the only way to succeed, every non-work task can feel unproductive even though it benefits your overall well-being.

Additionally, in order for "hustling" to be effective, you need support.

• It could be as basic as having a safe place—physically and psychologically—to rest for the night.
• It could be having a supportive friend group who wants the same things in life as you.
• It could also be delegating your chores to a dishwasher, cleaner, laundromat, or—in the case of some people—your partner or family member.

In other words, hustling works really well for those with more resources. In that vein, prescribing "hard work" to those with fewer resources, without accounting for their personal nuances, is like telling a clinically depressed person to simply "cheer up".

How I'm unfollowing cultures that no longer serve me

1. Check in with how I feel

Moments of misalignment and discontent often show up as feelings.

It could be as subtle as a lukewarm reaction to something you thought you'd be ecstatic about. It could be living your days on autopilot mode and wanting to "get things over and done with". There might not be any negativity, but you do feel that things are "off".

It could also be as prominent as immense frustration, anger, or struggle to find purpose and direction in your endeavor. For example, when I heard that "Mommy, you're always on a call" remark, I felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest.

2. Delve deeper into those feelings

To delve deeper into those feelings, I usually answer these questions:

• What is the situation and its context, from as many aspects as possible? (Physical, emotional, social, etc.)
• How did I feel throughout the situation? (before, during, and after)
• Which detail or moment about the situation triggered those feelings?
• What aspects of my worldview (mindset, beliefs, attitude, character, etc.) and present circumstances could have triggered those feelings?

And most importantly: Is my worldview useful, or is it a genuine shortcoming?

A worldview is generally useful if:

• It does not come from biases or social/familial/external expectations
• It brings you joy and peace, not worry and frustration

If I'm still unsure about whether my worldview is a shortcoming, I'll usually talk it out with several trusted friends.

Tip: Journalling or taking notes for this exercise can give you something to refer to in the future, especially when you feel lost or unsure about what to do.

3. Create my own culture

Create your own culture by unfollowing the narratives and worldviews that are not useful and no longer serve you.

In their place, create and follow your own definitions.

For me, "hard work" used to mean "putting in the hours"—and it only counted if I was working on my career. Rest also had to be "earned"; if I took a nap during the day, I was simply giving myself excuses and procrastinating.

Now, I celebrate all of my efforts—regardless of which aspect of life those efforts were directed toward. If I'm tired, I will rest properly with a nap (without scrolling on social media) or by changing my environment, such as by going for a walk.

Another culture I unfollowed was Singapore's "kiasu kiasi" culture, where people—driven by the Fear of Losing/Missing Out—participate in activities that will help them one-up their peers in their academics and careers. For example, parents would enroll their kids in private tuition, even if their kids are scoring well, so that those kids can have "extra practice" outside of school to do well in exams.

This culture might be useful in getting good grades and promotions, but because it's driven by fear, it doesn't bring a lot of peace to me. Instead, I focus on implementing useful behaviors and attitudes:

1. Being reliable. I don't make promises I know I can't keep and, if I have to drop a project because of extenuating circumstances, I will communicate it early and minimize the impact of my withdrawal by making sure it is taken care of by others.
2. Caring deeply about the quality of my work and never compromising on it.
3. Using curiosity, initiative, and proactiveness to guide the work I take on, instead of doing extra work simply because I wanted to be seen in a certain light.

The future of this newsletter

My university group assignments began around the time I was trying to restart my content creation efforts. I eventually decided to focus on those group assignments because:

1. I care about the quality of all the work I produce—academics included
2. Stopping content creation would only impact me (VS impacting my groupmates if I slacked)

The "Mommy, you're always on a call" remark also made me think about how I structured my days. If I want to be a good romantic partner, I need to have emotional availability (among other things), which I can't cultivate if I work all the time or allow my mind to be pre-occupied with work when I'm not actively working.

So, when London started blooming in early March, I made efforts to get outside and be more present. It could be as simple as a 20-minute walk along the canal to look at the ducks and swans. Of course, this takes time and space away from content creation, but I found myself feeling happier with this arrangement.

Considering these lessons and my schedule in the upcoming year, I'll restart my newsletter on a bi-weekly publishing schedule.

This will also give me more space to create products that will create a longer-lasting, positive impact on you.

Thus far, I'm thinking about hosting a paid workshop on how to make smoother life transitions—be it starting a new job, moving to a new country, or stepping into a new socio-familial role. This is inspired by my past 3 years at Minerva University, where I've moved to a new country every 4 months.

I'm also learning more about menstrual health as part of my final-year project and my intended field of study for my PhD.

But: If there's a specific topic you'd like me to cover, let me know by replying to this email!

With everything said, one thing will always remain true:

Every piece of content, newsletter, and product I create will be a full-hearted attempt to help you design and live an intentional life.

Looking forward to hear from you,

Pei