Last updated: June 8, 2024

This is by no means a suicide note, and should never be interpreted as one.

Instead, it should provide enough instructions for whoever decides to handle my funeral (thank you in advance 🥹) to make their life easier, and instructions for myself with regards to how to live my life.

Why did I write this?

Humans like to think that they live forever.

The truth is, they could die tomorrow. Or the next hour. Or the next minute.

No one really knows, because we're all on God's clock.

I experienced this firsthand when my grandma passed away suddenly in 2021. That day was my fifth-to-last day at IBM, and I didn’t want to hand over a buggy project and leave a bad reputation.

So, I told my grandma that I’d be working in my bedroom—with the connotation that I'd prefer not to be disturbed.

My grandma understood, so she left me alone to work.

Less than an hour later, I stopped working because I heard a crash from the bathroom.

She had a stroke. The blood vessel bursting kind, not the clotting one.

And because she'd been on blood thinners for a while, the bleeding didn't quite stop.

She passed away within 16 hours.

Yet, just a few hours before she collapsed, she had cooked everyone dinner. And she was about to eat her dinner—if she'd successfully gotten out of the bathroom.

My point is: You just never know. Hence, I think it's great to start planning when you still have the capacity to, and help your loved ones through the process.

Funeral

I'd like to have a 3-day Buddhist funeral in Singapore, with only vegetarian food offerings.

Why Singapore?

I've grown up in Singapore, so that's the "default" place I can think of for now. It might change if, for example, I get married and/or become a permanent resident of another country.

@TODO: I'll revisit this when that happens.

Why a Buddhist funeral?

There are not a lot of large public spaces in newer public housing estates to host weddings or funerals. This makes it difficult to find a suitable space for Taoist funerals, which generally have elaborate setups for their rituals (including live Chinese Orchestra instruments).

The more-elaborate setups for Taoist funerals also cost more money. Additionally, while my family has always been Taoist and Buddhist (often mixing the two), I've leaned more into Buddhism since I started attending Fo Guang Shan's Dharma services in late 2023.

Why only 3 days?

Longer funerals cost more money. But a one-day funeral also creates immense stress—especially if I die at an "inconvenient" time, like 4pm (or whatever other timing where my body gets discharged very late into the next day).

With three days, however, the first day would allow whoever's handling my funeral to settle down. The second day would allow family and friends to visit. The last day is usually a half-day; there's nothing much to do except cremation (which is highly dependent on which time slot I can get).

Why vegetarian food?

Vegetarian food is not only cheaper (I hope so), but it also does not carry the negative karma that meat-based offerings have.

I'm not sure if the other dimension has the same 5 senses (taste, smell, etc.), but if it doesn't, then there's no such thing as whether the food offering is "to my liking", only whether I have food that carries positive or negative karma or not.

I've also never liked pig heads, or animal organs for that matter. So, vegetarian food please.

Post-Funeral

Cremation is the default option in Singapore, and I'm okay with that. I've lived in high-rise public housing ("HDBs") for most of my life, so I don't mind living in another high-rise housing (the columbarium).

@TODO: I actually don't know if there are any post-funeral Buddhist traditions similar to the "49 days" thing Taoism has. Something for me to research, I guess.

Belongings

I'll confess: I have a fuckton of things, and I'm not proud of it.

I will try my best to Marie Kondo my belongings, but I think I'll still have the follow things before I pass away. Therefore:

Donate

To a student who is genuinely from a low-income family (might not be just one person):

• Laptop (if in good condition; after factory reset and data is wiped)
• Stationery suitable for school use (notebooks, ballpoint pens, etc.)
• SSDs/tech accessories (if in good condition; e.g. cables, headphones, etc.; after factory reset and data is wiped)

To charities:

• Clothes that are not affiliated with any organization (previous schools I've attended, etc.) and still in good condition

To friends:

• Fountain pens and inks

Destroy

• My handwritten journals
• Pictures I've taken across the years (stored in my SSD and mobile phone)

Maintain

• My personal website. This involves my hosting (free) and my domain (paid). I'd like my writing to live on, in hopes that it might continue to help someone.

@TODO: I don't know what to do with my online accounts. That's something for me to research, I guess.

Finances

Things I should have saved up for, so that others don't have to worry about:

• My 3-day Buddhist funeral
• My post-funeral (cremation, columbarium, etc.)
• Maintaining my personal website

@TODO: I genuinely don't know what I have to do with my finances. Off the top of my head, these are the things I have to research:

• Who should my money go to? (this is probably a whole other essay on its own)
• What happens to my property (if I end up owning one?)
• What happens to my non-bank accounts (stocks, etc.)?
• What happens to my bank accounts?
• What is a CPF Nomination?

How to Live Now

A lot of people say that your life's memories will "flash before your eyes" before you pass on.

Assuming that theory is correct, I would like pleasant, comforting memories to show up.

That means I need to create pleasant, comforting memories right now.

I will add on to this list as more ideas show up, but here are my two principles at the moment.

1) Live from a place of love, not of fear

For example, if I've fallen in love with someone and I've clarified that it's real (i.e. not borne from desperation, etc.), I'll tell them.

Not because I hope that they'll reciprocate or whatever (although it'll be great if they do), but because

1. They deserve to know, and
2. Not telling them would mean that I'm fearful about something (rejection, things not working out, etc.)

Living from a place of love for myself also means getting out of toxic situations. For example, I shouldn't stay in a toxic or dysfunctional relationship because I'm afraid I can't find "someone better".

The truth is, there will always be someone better, and you can spend your whole life trying to maximize for that (and fail).

Instead, I should decide whether to stay in the relationship based on the willingness of both parties to build something together. If one of them stops (myself included), then there's nothing more to build.

2) Minimize regrets

I explored regret minimization a year ago in What would 100-year-old Pei Qi say?. I don't have anything to add right now, but I'll definitely update this article if I think of something in future.

As of writing, I think I've reached a level of acceptance regarding the unknown probability of sudden death. And my philosophy can be roughly boiled down into one quote:

When asked, "What can I do?"

I've found the answer frequently can be found by rearranging the words into the answer,

"Do what I can"

(Note: The quote is attributed to Ten Menten, but I can't find that person on Google.)